The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Oh, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. It's like they took Hyrule, added more air, and called it innovation. More like tears of disappointment if we're being honest. Remember when Zelda was about epic adventures and not just waterworks? Link's gone from silent hero to silent therapist, consoling Hyrule's emotionally fragile denizens. Puzzles? Those are as predictable as the game's emotional outbursts. Combat? Might as well swing a feathered duster for all the challenge it presents. And the graphics? Even a goblin's knitting has more texture. I half expected a 'Press A to comfort Zelda' prompt. If I wanted this much melodrama, I'd watch daytime TV. Missed the mark so hard, it's in another dungeon.