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Valheim Canon

Release Date: 27/10/2023

Developer: Iron Gate Studio; Fishlabs; Piktiv | Publisher: Coffee Stain Studios

Genres: Adventure Indie Online Co-Op Open World Survival

Platforms:

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Melodies & Mockeries


Behold, High Ground Gaming's resident trolls! The cheerful Gurg and the irritable Grundle — together they bring songs of praise and mutterings of discontent about Valheim.

Gurg
The Jolly Troll
In lands of Norse, 'neath ancient sky,
Valheim awaits, where Vikings fly.
The World Tree's shade, its realm does span,
Where Odin's might tests every man.

With axe and shield, brave hearts explore,
Forests deep, and seashore's roar.
Mystic runes and beasts of lore,
Challenge all on this epic tour.

Erect a hall, or sail a sea,
Forge thy path, what’er it be.
Drakes descend, as fires gleam,
In twilight’s glow, or moonlit beam.

So raise your horn, and drink with glee,
To Valheim’s world, wild and free.
For in this realm of myth reborn,
Legends anew are surely sworn.
Grundle
The Angry Troll
Valheim? Oh joy, another survival game. Because chopping trees and mining rocks hasn't been done to death. Trudging through this game feels like a Viking funeral for my time. The graphics? It's like they threw 2023 tech into a 1995 blender. Building a base is like assembling IKEA furniture without instructions – try to fix that wobble. And the combat? I've had more thrilling fights with my houseplants. Let's talk about the setting. It's like the devs raided Norse mythology, took all the cool bits, and left us with the dregs. Procedural generation? Yeah, so every world is as boring as the last. Honestly, I'd rather raid my fridge than these bland lands.

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