Sonic Frontiers

Sonic Frontiers? Oh joy, another round of Blue Blur Blunders in High-Def Misery. It's like they mashed a hedgehog with an open-world game and expected gold. Spoiler: they got brass. You'd think with all that speed, Sonic could outrun his own mediocrity. The world's so empty, I half-expected a tumbleweed to roll by. And the combat? I've had more thrilling battles with my toaster. The storyline's so thin, it makes rice paper look thick. If plot holes were rings, we'd never run out. Let's just say if I wanted to watch something fast and pointless, I'd just stare at a ceiling fan. Sonic, old pal, maybe it's time to just... slow down.