Atop the looming, ancient spire,
A challenge calls, stakes ever higher.
Slay the Spire, a quest so dire,
Where cards are cast, in fate's own fire.
With deck in hand, we climb each floor,
Facing foes, legends of yore.
Ironclad, Silent, Defect, and Watcher,
Each with a tale, a dream to foster.
Strategize, adapt, choose each play,
For in this game, wit lights the way.
Relics rare, powers to acquire,
In every run, stakes transpire.
So raise a song to this ascent dire,
To the dance of chance, to Slay the Spire.
In each deck's shuffle, destiny's entire,
A masterpiece, to never tire.
The Angry Troll
Slay the Spire, it's a card game that moves slower than a stone giant under a drowsy spell. The thrill of climbing a tower with cards? If I wanted to climb something endlessly without reward, I'd take up mountain hiking. The graphics look like they were drawn during someone's lunch break on Microsoft Paint. And the randomness? If I wanted to be constantly disappointed by chance, I'd go back to playing bingo with retirees. It's like they mashed together RPG and cards and forgot to add the fun part. Slay the Spire? More like 'Pray for Desire' to even finish this card-carrying snooze fest.